Or, Two Reasons Why I Wish I Had a Monster Truck
I’ll admit it: I’m really not a fan of the Main Line. As soon as I graduate and earn enough money to afford to leave, I’m putting this place in my rear-view mirror and never looking back. The reasons for my feelings are many, but I’ll share two of them with you right now. Both happened on my way from home to campus, less than five minutes apart.
The first incident in question occurred shortly after I left The House. I was driving down my street, minding my own business. Now, to set the scene for you, my street has a relatively sharp corner at the bottom of the hill, and a bunch of trees on the right hand side of the road (if you’re going downhill like I was) that make it impossible to see around the curve. So, anyway, I’m driving down the hill when a Toytoa Land Cruiser comes tearing around the corner in front of me, doing at least 10 mph over the speed limit, right smack-dab in the center of the road!!! I pull over to the right as far as I can, which still isn’t far enough to avoid a collision (there are about 10 inches of unmelted snow on the curbs, so I can’t pull off the road) and stop when I realize the SUV isn’t changing course. At the last possible second, the Toyota’s driver slams on the brakes and swerves back into the correct lane. The driver was a late-twenty-something soccer mom, and she gave me a dirty look, as though I had the audacity to be driving on the same road as her.
So, once the MLB (think about it…) goes on her merry way, I keep going. Make it onto the main roads heading towards campus when I reach an intersection with a four-way stoplight. I have the red light. Since I have to make a left-hand turn, I pull into the turning lane to wait for the arrow. Five seconds before the light changes, three teenagers, who were heavily invested in conversation with each other) enter the crosswalk. The light changes and I get the arrow, but I can’t move because State Law says you have to yield to pedestrians in the crosswalk (yes, even if they’re crossing against the light). So the fine young gentlemen realized they were blocking traffic and quickly sprinted across the street, allowing me to continue on my way.
The little [THOUGHT REDACTED]s slowly strolled into the middle of the crosswalk and stopped right in front of my car! I politely tapped my horn to get them to move. All three shot me death glares, and one of them gave me The Finger. They did move out of the crosswalk, by walking as slowly as is physically possible, mind you. I barely made the turn before the arrow turned red.
And the worst part is, this is typical behavior for the majority of residents here on The Main Line. And Mama and Papa Raptor wonder why I can’t wait to get the heck out of here.
*sigh* It’s times like those that make me wish I had a Monster Truck… or a Military-spec HUMVEE with a .50-caliber machine gun on the roof…