The following are excerpts from real-life conversations (I think) between technologically-incompetent people and the folks at tech support:
Tech Support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female Customer: A white one…
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech Support: have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, it’s really stuck.
Tech Support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No, wiat a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry…
Tech Support: Click on the ‘My Computer’ icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech Support: Good dat. How may I help you?
Male Customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Tech Support: WOuld you lick on ‘Start’ for me and…
Male Customer: Listen pal — don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha. I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…
Customer: I have a problem printing in red…
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah……………………thank you.
Tech Support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfreind bought for me at the 7-11.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech Support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech Support: Pick up the keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Tech Support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Tech Support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah… that one does work…
Tech Support: Your passowrd is the small letter “a” as in apple, a capital letter “V” as in Victor, the number 7…
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.
Tech Support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech Support: Can you tell me what the passoword was?
Customer: Five stars.
Tech Support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Tech Support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry, … Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it dissapears.
Tech Support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech Support: Okay, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
A female customer called the Canon Help Desk with a problem with her printer:
Tech Support: Are you running it under Windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that’s a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.
Tech Support: Okay, Bob, let’s press the ‘control’ and ‘escape’ keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now typle the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don’t have a ‘P’.
Tech Support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech Support: ‘P’… on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!