Halloween is rapidly approaching, and as we are all aware, this means that Monster Season is coming to a head. What, you mean you’ve never heard of Monster Season? Where have you been for the last 500 years, under a rock? *sigh* Okay, I’ll explain.
Monster Season, Mr. Rock Dweller, starts in the end of September, when Holloween decorations and costumes start to go on sale. It starts out small, a werewolf sighting here, a zombie attack there. Things really get into gear during the last two weeks of October when the Monster Movie Marthons start in ernest on TV. This is the time when reports of encounters with monsters become more frequent and vicious. The season ends-rather climactically-on Halloween night. This is the night when more attacks are reported-and more fatalities occur-than the last five weeks put together.
Needless to say, it is imperrative that one takes the proper precaution to ward of monsters when Trick-or-Treating. But herein lies the problem; what works against one type of monster might be totally ineffective against another. For example, driving a stake through the heart of a vampire results in instant death, but the same cannot be said if the target is a zombie or a ghost.
So, what’s an intrepid Trick-or-Treater (or ToT Chaperone) like yourself to do? Well, you could weigh yourself down with several pounds of stakes and garlic cloves (for vampires), silver (for werewolves), matches and lighters (for mummies and zombies) and flashlights (for ghosts). Or you could just carry one of these:
We start with a standard 12-Gauge shotgun, which is perfect for decapatatng Zombies at close range. Load it with 00-Buckshot made of pure silver, and you have an ideal solution for werewolf attacks. The tactical flashlight-already ideal for destroying ghosts-has been modified with a high-intesnity sunlamp bulb, making it perfect for use against vampires. When the package is complete, you have the ideal Anti-Monster Tool (AMT).
But what if you’re facing down a horde of charging monsters? In that case, we offer this little honey:
Of course, one should take care to verify that the “monster” they are attempting to vanquish is actually a real monster instead of a harmless Trick-or-Treater. MonsterSlayers Inc. cannot be held liable if one of our products is used, whether intentionally or unintentionally, to harm innocent Trick-or-Treaters.
So pick up a MonsterSlayer Inc. AMT today at your local Halloween Supply Store today and have a safe-and monster-free-Halloween!
Hey! What the heck are you doing with my blog?
*shoves random salesman away from computer*
Okay, sorry about that. Anyways, my Ninjas vs. Pirates Movie Poster contest ends at 12:00AM on Tuesday, and I only have one entry, so hop to it!